The Invitation: Stop Waiting for Permission

You've read four articles now in this series on fear and desire (or I hope you have). You know about the desire you buried. The fear that's been running your life. The collision you've been avoiding. The busyness you've been hiding behind.

So here's my question: What are you going to do about it? Because reading about it doesn't change anything. Nodding along doesn't fix it. Feeling convicted for twenty minutes and then moving on with your week—that's just entertainment.

The truth is, you already know what you need to do. You've known for a while now. You're just waiting for someone to give you permission. Or maybe you're waiting for the circumstances to be better. Or maybe you're waiting until you're less afraid. Let me save you some time—none of that's coming.

The Lie That Keeps You Stuck

Here's the story you've been telling yourself: Someday I'll deal with this. When things slow down. When the kids are older. When I'm more established. When I have more margin. When the church is healthier. When, when, when.

Someday you'll have the hard conversation with your spouse. Someday you'll set actual boundaries. Someday you'll chase that dream. Someday you'll stop performing and start being real.

Someday.

You know what someday is? It's a lie you tell yourself so you can keep doing what you've always done without feeling guilty about it. I did it for years. Told myself I'd slow down after this season. After this launch. After this project. There was always something. Always a reason to wait.

You want to know when I finally stopped? When my body made the decision for me. When waiting wasn't an option anymore because I'd waited myself into a life-threatening health crisis.

Don't be like me. Don't wait until something breaks that can't be fixed.

While you're waiting for the perfect moment, here's what's happening:

Your spouse is learning to live without you. Not dramatically. Not with lawyers and paperwork. Just... learning to expect less. To need you less. To build a life that doesn't include you because you're never really there anyway.

Your kids are growing up. And every game you miss, every dinner you're late for, every "not now" when they need you—they're learning what matters to you. And it's not them.

Your people are watching you die. They see the exhaustion. The distance. The way you preach about freedom while you're clearly imprisoned. And they're learning that ministry means sacrificing everything, including yourself. You're not just destroying your life. You're teaching them to destroy theirs. (I've seen it. And I've done it. It's embarrassing.)

And you? You're disappearing. That person you were before the title and the performance and the mask—that you is fading. Every day you wait, that person gets a little harder to find, right?

That's the real cost. Not just what you're losing now. What you'll never get back.

The Thing Nobody's Saying

You're not special. I know that sounds harsh. But it's true. You're not the exception. You're not built different. You're not handling it better than everyone else. You're just dying slower.

I've coached hundreds of pastors. Every single one thought they were unique. Thought their situation was different. Thought the rules didn't apply to them. They were wrong. And so are you.

The trajectory you're on—it ends the same way it ends for everyone who stays on it. Burnout. Breakdown. Blowup. Pick your poison. But it ends badly. The only question is whether you're going to change course now or wait until you don't have a choice.

What It Actually Takes

You want to know what wholeness requires? Not inspiration. Not information. Not another book or conference or podcast episode.

It requires you to stop lying. To yourself. To your spouse. To your church. To God. It requires you to say out loud the things you've been avoiding:

"I'm exhausted, and I've been pretending I'm not."

"I'm terrified, and I've been calling it wisdom."

"I'm chasing approval I'll never get, and it's destroying my family."

"I don't know who I am anymore outside of this role."

"I need help and I don't know how to ask for it."

Whatever your version is, you have to say it. Out loud. To someone who can hear it without fixing it. Judging it. Or making you feel smaller for admitting it.

And then you have to do something about it. Not someday. Now.

The November Moment

I told you I was going into the studio in November. Cut at least one track for my first album. Stop hiding behind excuses.

I did it this morning.

And you want to know what happened? The thing I made wasn't perfect. It wasn't even that good, honestly. But that's not the point. The point is I stopped waiting for permission. Stopped waiting to be ready. Stopped waiting for the fear to go away.

I just did it. (And I'll do it again tomorrow—hopefully better.)

And something shifted. Not in the music. In me. Because the moment you stop waiting and start moving—even if it's terrifying, even if it's imperfect, even if you have no idea what you're doing —you become someone different. You become someone who's done choosing fear over life.

Your Move

So what's yours? What's the one thing you know you need to do but you've been avoiding? Not ten things. One thing. The thing when you read it just now, your stomach clenched. And your sphincter tightened.

That's it. That's the thing. And here's what you're going to do:

Within 48 hours, you're going to take one concrete step toward it.

Not think about it. Not pray about it again. Not wait for clarity. Just move.

If it's your marriage, schedule the conversation. Tonight. "We need to talk. For real. No interruptions. I've been running and I'm done."

If it's your calendar, say no to something this week. Something good. Something people expect. Say no and don't explain yourself.

If it's your dream, do the first thing. Buy the domain. Send the email. Make the call. Open the document. Something tangible that you can't take back.

If it's asking for help, send the message. "I need help. I don't have it together. Can we talk?" Don't polish it. Don't make it sound better than it is. Send it.

48 hours. One step. That's it.

Because transformation doesn't happen in your head. It happens when you move your body into a different reality. Listen, you can't change your life from the neck up.

The Truth About Help

Here's what I learned the hard way: you can't do this alone. I tried. For years. Thought asking for help was weakness. Thought real faith meant figuring it out yourself. All that got me was sick—and exhausted.

The pastors who make it—who don't flame out, fade out, or check out—they have people. Coaches. Mentors. Brothers and sisters who know their real story and won't let them hide from it.

They have systems that force honesty. Regular check-ins where performance doesn't work. Places where they can't fake it.

We built The Authentic Pastor because I needed it, and it didn't exist. Not another program about leadership principles. A system that helps you stop dying and start living.

Coaching that calls you out when you're hiding. Cohorts where other pastors tell the truth and force you to do the same. Resources that don't give you more to do—they help you become who you actually are. But here's the thing: none of that matters if you don't decide.

Tools don't work on people who won't use them. Help doesn't work on people who won't receive it. So the question isn't whether help exists. It's whether you're ready to stop pretending you don't need it.

The Real Invitation

This whole fear and desire series has been building to this moment. Not to make you feel bad about where you are. Not to add more guilt to the pile you're already carrying. But to tell you the truth: You're killing yourself. And you don't have to be. Jesus didn't ask that of you.

The collision between fear and desire—that's not your enemy. That's where your life is waiting. But you have to walk into it. Nobody can do it for you. Your spouse can't. Your board can't. God won't. Because this is the one choice that's entirely yours. You can keep waiting. Keep reading articles. Feeling momentarily convicted. And then going back to exactly what you were doing.

Or you can move.

Not perfectly. Not with all the answers. Not when you're ready. Just move.

Because here's what I've learned after thirty-five years of ministry and nearly losing everything that mattered: The life you want is on the other side of the thing you're most afraid to do. And the only person keeping you from it is you. So what's it going to be?

Where to Start When You're Ready

If you're done reading and ready to move, here's what that looks like:

Take the Ministry Health Assessment. It's free. Takes ten minutes. And it'll show you exactly where you're dying. Not to shame you. To give you a real starting point.

Find a coach. Someone who's been where you are and made it out. Someone who won't let you hide. Perform. Or fake it. Someone who'll call you out when you're lying to yourself. 

Join a cohort. Six months. Other pastors who are done pretending. Monthly calls where you tell the truth. And they do too. The kind of community that won't let you quit on yourself.

Schedule a call. Thirty minutes. Free. Just you and someone who gets it. No sales pitch. No pressure. Just an honest conversation about where you are and what's next.

Or don't.

Keep doing what you're doing. Keep waiting. Keep hoping it'll get better on its own. Just know this—hope without action is wishful thinking wearing a spiritual mask. You've read five articles now. You know the problem. You know what it's costing. You know what needs to happen.

The only question left is whether you'll do it.

Your move. ◼︎

Tim Eldred has been serving in pastoral ministry for over three decades and has had the privilege of training and mentoring thousands of pastors in over 40 countries. He is the founder of The Authentic Pastor. Most importantly, he is a husband, father, and grandfather.

The Authentic Pastor is a comprehensive life and leadership development organization that helps pastors and churches achieve lasting growth through their proven WholeCare™ system, offering coaching, cohorts, and consulting services. We're passionate about supporting church leaders throughout their entire career journey—from early challenges to long-term success—with the goal of creating healthier pastors and more effective ministries.