The Loneliness of Leadership

The first question in a survey sent out to pastors across the United States asks a simple but heavy question: “How often do you feel isolated or alone in your role as a pastor?" The early results are concerning. They show that 76% of pastors say they "often" or "always" feel alone. This high number confirms what many already know—that being a pastor can be a lonely job. But it also makes us wonder: Is there more going on here that we haven't considered? Could there be deeper issues at play that go beyond the common idea of why leaders are lonely?

Being a pastor isn't easy. It's a role that comes with emotional highs and lows and can sometimes lead to a sense of being cut off from others. To cope, many pastors look to reassuring verses in the Bible like "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5) and "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). While these verses can offer some comfort, it's worth taking a step back to think about what we might be missing. If we use these verses just to ease our feelings of loneliness, we might overlook the broader and deeper teachings Scripture offers about what it means to be a leader and how to maintain well-being.

Is the Loneliness of Leadership Self-Inflicted? 

There's a common misconception that being in charge involves an inherent amount of loneliness; however, that's a more self-inflicted ailment in our narrative than we want to admit. It's only an inescapable reality if we use it as an excuse for how we manage our roles and responsibilities. As spiritual leaders, we shape our emotional landscape, cultivate meaningful connections, and set healthy boundaries. When we believe that loneliness is part and parcel of leadership, we do ourselves—and our ministry—significant damage that only perpetuates the myth even more and creates further isolation and separation from the people we are charged with loving and serving. 

The Drawbacks of Misapplying Bible Verses:

Misapplying comforting and powerful verses like Hebrews 13:5 and Matthew 28:20 comes with many drawbacks:

1. Simplistic Reading: Picking out one verse removes it from its broader context and overlooks how the Bible discusses the balance between spirituality, relationships, and mental health.
2. Emotional Neglect: Using a single verse to address complex emotional needs can be neglectful and lead to unresolved emotional and psychological stress that comes with ministry
3. Lost Opportunities for Connection: Relying too much on a single scripture could mean leaders miss out on forging valuable relationships integral to leadership, self-care, and well-being.

Avoiding the Blame Game: What's Our Role? 

When we misapply scripture to our lonely feelings or situations, we risk attributing emotional struggles solely to God and dodge personal responsibility. While specific verses can offer comfort, they aren't a get-out-of-jail-free card for avoiding the necessary work of building relationships and a sense of shared leadership. In fact, the Bible has much to say about the importance of living in a community and sharing support—and responsibility. 

If the majority of our time is spent on tasks—other than building relationships—to empower and "equip saints for the work of service" (Ephesians 4:12), perhaps we are attempting to compensate for what we view as our incompetencies. We may be seeking to impress others with our efforts to gain recognition or validation because we feel inadequate, undervalued, or unappreciated. Please know that we completely understand this tendency. The team at The Authentic Pastor aren't novices; we've navigated these complicated waters as well.

Steps Toward a More Inclusive Leadership

According to studies, 92% of churches are less than 250 people, and 84% of those are less than 100. Many of these congregations have solo or part-time pastors and very few paid support staff. This reality only adds to the pressures that propagate loneliness. For larger congregations with more professional positions, the ability to share the workload and focus on relationships—as the priority of leadership—should be easier; however, regardless of church size, too many pastors still carry the weight themselves and work in isolation. Here are four items to consider to alleviate loneliness:

1. Focus on Self-Care: The Bible isn't against taking time off for self-renewal; it encourages it. But only you can make it a priority.
2. Set Boundaries: Even Jesus took time off for personal prayer and rest. Setting boundaries for your well-being isn't optional.
3. Build a Support Network: The early church was a model of community. Authentic connections can make or break you.

Action Items: Renvisioning Leadership

• Reassess Priorities: Look into what tasks could be shifted or shared to free up time for relationships. Remember, "you equip" is the job.
• Gather a Support Team: Form a circle of trusted advisors and confidants. Consider Moses as your role model in this area.
• Gain Emotional and Relational Tools: Utilize various resources to develop your emotional intelligence and relational skills.

Being an effective faith leader goes beyond having a dynamic personality or being a Biblical expert. It's about being emotionally tuned, relationship-savvy, and accountable for how we practice leadership. Misusing passages like Hebrews 13:5 and Matthew 28:20 doesn't just harm leaders; it also shortchanges those they're meant to guide. We must broaden our understanding of biblically-based leadership for our and our congregations' benefit.

If you want to overcome the loneliness of leadership, simply start by acknowledging how much of the work of ministry you are doing—alone. Pay attention to the time you spend in isolation. Take into account the tasks and responsibilities you believe are yours alone to handle. Reevaluate your willingness to share the load and give others an equal voice in the decisions and direction of the ministry. These changes will transform your life, leadership, and loneliness. ◼︎

Pastors can enrich their lives and congregations by adopting a balanced approach that considers scriptural and emotional nuances. If you apply the principles in this article, you can see improvement and growth regardless of your years in ministry. To go much deeper with this and other critical leadership issues, learn how The Authentic Pastor can assist you on your spiritual journey through our WholeCare™ Course, coaching, and cohorts. 

References:

• Bible verses are from the New International Version (NIV).
• "The Burden of Leadership: Addressing Loneliness," Forbes. Source
• "Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion" by Wayne Cordeiro. Source
• "How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth" by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart. Source