The Ministry Ache You Can't Explain

Fourteen years ago, I walked off a stage after speaking at a pastor’s conference, and I felt…empty. Not because I didn’t believe in what I had said, but because I knew what would happen next.

I had been a spectator in those audiences before—many times. I had taken notes, nodded my head, and filled my journal with insights. But when the events were over, I packed my bags, went home, and sat in my little office at my little church in rural Michigan, feeling more alone and frustrated than ever.

I didn’t need another conference. Another strategy. Another leadership playbook that worked for someone else.

I needed people. Real ones.

When You Know Something Is Missing

And that’s the thing—this isn’t just about loneliness. It’s about the ache. The gnawing sense that something is missing, even when the church is full. Even when the sermon lands. Even when your team is doing their job and the numbers are steady.

It’s the feeling you can’t shake—that there has to be more than this.

So what do we do? We prescribe more—more strategies, more books, more tweaks to the system. Because solving things makes us feel better. But deep down, we know...

If you keep doing the same thing over and over, you’ll get the same results.

So don’t wonder why it’s not working. I did the same thing. Worse—I was part of the problem. I stood on those stages. I gave the keynotes. I sold the same playbooks that left me feeling empty inside.

And while we know we need something different, we keep gravitating toward what feels safe, even though it’s slowly killing us.

So what’s it going to take for you to say yes to something different?

Why More Strategies Won’t Fix the Loneliness

That night after walking off the stage, I made a decision. I was done with the conference circuit. No more main stages, no more seminars, no more polished presentations. Instead, I picked up the phone and called twenty leaders I knew—some of the busiest pastors and executives in the country. I invited them to Colorado for three days. No agenda. No workshops. Just space. No business cards. No brochures. No BS.

And do you know what happened?

Every. Single. One. Said. Yes.

Not because they had the time—but because they were desperate for it. They needed a table, not a stage. A conversation, not a keynote. A place where they could exhale—where they could stop performing and just be.

Fourteen years later, we’re still meeting. Same crew. Same mountain. Same week. Because once you experience the kind of connection that doesn’t end when the event does, you fight to keep it. 

What Actually Helps: Finding Your People

“Pastoral ministry can be deeply isolating and I've longed to find others who 'get it.' Through this cohort, I found meaningful relationships with real friends who know the journey I'm on and love me through my peaks and valleys.” —KYLE BURKHOLDER | COVENANT CHURCH

But here’s the thing: I wasn’t the only one who needed this. And I knew if it worked for a room full of high-capacity leaders, it could work for pastors everywhere.

That’s why I created something better than a three-day retreat—a six-month immersive cohort where pastors don’t just get away for a few days—they get a tribe they can actually lean on for the long haul. We start as strangers. We leave as comrades. And when it’s all over, we keep walking together.

Because that’s what I was missing all those years ago.

I didn’t need colleagues. I needed friends. Other pastors and ministry leaders. People who understood the unique pressures of serving the church—whether as the lead, executive, youth, worship, discipleship pastor, whatever. Leaders who weren’t measuring me by my sermons, my attendance numbers, or my leadership ability. A tribe that wasn’t looking to me for answers but was willing to share wisdom, listen, and let me carry their burdens as they carried mine.

So What You Can Do Right Now

 Maybe that’s what you’re missing too.

And if a formal cohort isn’t right for you right now, that’s okay. But whatever you do, don’t keep leading alone. Because if you don’t change something, nothing changes.

Here’s What’s Waiting for You on the Other Side:

• You stop feeling like ministry is all on your shoulders. You finally have people who understand and help carry the weight.

• You walk away from every conversation feeling lighter. Because you’re not filtering your words or worrying about how they’ll be received.

• You gain wisdom, perspective, and real encouragement. Not another book or strategy but co-laborers who actually know what you’re facing.

Here’s How to Start Today:

• Start small. Find one or two pastors near you and commit to meeting regularly—off the record—with no agenda other than honest conversation.

• Take the first step. Shoot a text to a ministry friend today and be real about where you're at. Sometimes, the hardest part is just reaching out.

• Get out of your usual circle. Connect with leaders outside your circle who understand the weight you carry but don’t have a stake in your decisions.

And If You’re Ready for Something More…

So if you're looking for more than another dime-a-dozen strategy that adds pressure—or a summer camp high that fades as soon as you’re back in the grind—then you need something different.

I’d love for you to experience something better.

“Once I joined the cohort and got connected, I knew immediately I had made the right choice. As we got into our one-on-one coaching sessions, it became clear that Tim understood where I was, even though I didn't. —SHAWN ACREY | THE JOURNEY CHURCH

You already know you need this. Say yes to yourself. It could change everything.

Find out more and secure your spot now →

Our next cohort kicks off May 5-7 with a retreat—there's room for you.

I guarantee it’s unlike anything you’ve ever done. And I won’t ask you to take my word for it—listen to the pastors who’ve walked away from it saying, “I didn’t know how much I needed this.”

But don’t keep waiting. There’s never going to be a perfect time.

You're not alone. And you never have to be again. ◼︎

Tim Eldred has spent over 35 years in pastoral ministry and coaches pastors and churches who are ready to move beyond merely surviving. He founded The Authentic Pastor to help ministry leaders find freedom from the pressures and systems that wear them down.