When Your Board Doesn't Trust You
You can feel it in the room. The elder meeting that runs ten minutes longer than it should. The question behind the question. The way someone cc's the board chair on an email that used to come straight to you. Nobody's said anything directly. But you know. Your board doesn't trust you.
Maybe they're right not to. Maybe you've made mistakes—real ones, not just the ones they've invented. Or maybe you've done everything right and they still look at you like you're one bad sermon away from being shown the door. Either way, you're stuck. And it's eating you alive.
The Question Nobody Asks
When pastors come to me with board conflict, the first thing they want to know is how to fix the board. How do I get them to see my vision? How do I get them to back off? How do I get them to trust me again?
Those are the wrong questions. The right question is this: What's actually broken?
Because board conflict is almost never about what it appears to be about. The budget fight isn't really about the budget. The staffing disagreement isn't really about staffing. The "vision alignment" conversation isn't really about vision. Underneath every board conflict I've ever seen, there's one of three things:
- A communication breakdown. The board doesn't know what you're doing or why. They're filling the silence with suspicion.
- A structural problem. The roles aren't clear. Nobody knows who decides what. Every decision becomes a power struggle because there's no agreed-upon process.
- A values conflict. You and your board want fundamentally different things for this church. And no amount of communication or structure will fix that.
Until you know which one you're dealing with, every solution you try will miss the mark.
If It's Communication
Most board conflict is a communication failure. And most pastors don't realize they're terrible communicators—at least with their boards.
You preach every week. You're articulate. You explain things well. But preaching is one-way. Board communication is different. It requires anticipation—knowing what questions they'll have before they ask them. It requires translation—turning your pastoral instincts into language business leaders understand. It requires frequency—more updates than you think they need, because silence sounds like hiding.
Here's a test: Does your board ever hear about problems from you first? Or do they find out from congregation members, from staff complaints, from the rumor mill?
If they're getting surprised, they'll stop trusting. It's that simple. The fix isn't complicated: Overcommunicate. Send a weekly email update—even when nothing major happened. Share the bad news before it becomes a crisis. Invite questions. Ask for input before finalizing decisions, not after.
This feels like extra work. It is. But it's cheaper than a congregational meeting where the board asks for your resignation.
If It's Structure
Some churches have clear governance. Most don't. The bylaws say one thing. The culture says another. The founding pastor did whatever he wanted, and now everyone assumes that's how it works—until a new pastor tries the same thing and gets his hand slapped.
Structural conflict sounds like: "That's not how we do things here." Or: "I thought we agreed you'd run that by us first." Or: "Who gave you permission to make that decision?" The problem isn't that you made a bad decision. The problem is nobody agreed on who gets to make that decision in the first place.
The fix requires a painful conversation—or several. You need to sit down with your board and answer the unsexy questions: What decisions does the pastor make alone? What decisions require board approval? What decisions require congregational input? How do we handle disagreement? What's the process when someone feels unheard?
Most churches skip this conversation because it feels bureaucratic. Then they spend years fighting about decisions instead of making them.
If It's Values
This is the hardest one. Sometimes you and your board want different churches. You want to reach the unchurched; they want to keep the churched comfortable. You want to take risks; they want to protect the savings account. You want to address injustice; they want to stay out of politics. No amount of communication or structural clarity fixes a values conflict. You can talk more and define roles better, but you'll still be pulling in opposite directions.
If this is your situation, you have three options:
- Wait them out. Board terms end. New leaders emerge. The church evolves. This works if you have patience and job security.
- Fight for change. Make your case. Cast vision. Try to move hearts. This works if you have relational capital and the stomach for conflict.
- Leave well. Sometimes the most faithful thing is to recognize you're not the right pastor for this church at this time. This isn't failure. It's wisdom.
What doesn't work is pretending the conflict doesn't exist. That just delays the explosion.
One More Thing
Whatever's broken between you and your board—and something is broken, or you wouldn't still be reading—you can't fix it alone. You're too close. Too invested. Too hurt.
You need someone outside the system who can see what you can't see. Who can ask the questions you're afraid to ask. Who can help you figure out if this is a communication problem you can solve, a structural issue you can address, or a values conflict you need to name.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. The second worst thing is trying to fix it alone.
• • •
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About the Author
Tim Eldred has been serving in pastoral ministry for over three decades and has had the privilege of training and mentoring thousands of pastors in over 40 countries. He is the founder of The Authentic Pastor. Most importantly, he is a husband, father, and grandfather.
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